Who the hell?

 You listen as Margaret "Polly" Traina, your wife, answers the door. She enters the room a second later and says, ashen, "It's a student."^A

 You rise purposefully from your easy chair and stride manfully toward the door. Polly throws you a pair of pants, and within a couple seconds, you're ready to go.

 "What can I help you with?" you ask, helpfully. You are staring at two young 'uns, each no more than 4 feet tall. God, to think we let these people live on campus. They should worship us.

 "Well, sir," begins the one holding his hat in his hands, "We have three questions that we'd like to ask you. We've been asking around, and nobody seems to know the answer to them."

 "And you think this an appropriate way of getting answers?" You try to keep the incredulity out of your voice.

 The students exchange a worried look. "Well, you are the University President, sir, and you did move onto campus to be closer to the students."

 "I did no such thing!" You raise your voice, knowing the awe that inspires. "I moved onto campus to attend campus functions. Attended many campus functions recently?"

 "Uh, not too many..."

 "Well, there you go. Try getting involved in your community and you might see me from across the room every couple weeks."

 "That's nice, sir, but we only have three questions..."

 

Steel yourself for the ensuing impertinence. Turn to the next page...