"Now the rules are like this, see:
Any questions?" You're simply a nice guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. OK, maybe you're not really a nice guy, but hey, even you didn't deserve this!
All you did was answer the phone in the UC-- there was no one around. A kind act, really. You were so sweet. And what happens? You are the proud recipient of a bomb threat!
Do you ignore it? Tell someone?
In this book, you make your own decisions!
Do you talk to alumni, join a rock band, or eat Schmakan food? Each choice yields a different story! You may succeed at ending the bomber's threat, or blowing up a valued part of Clark's skyline. You could even end up on the Equestrian team! (Is this a good or bad ending? We're not sure, so you can decide that too!)
It's Friday night, goddammit, and once again there's
nothing to do. Clark's cold as a tombstone and
dead as the poor schmuck under it.
Can you find anything to do on a Friday night at Clark?
In this book, as usual, it's your problem!
What will you choose to do? What happens when you meet this Clarkie pictured above? You decide! Will he lead you to something (anything!) interesting? Does he have anything to do with you becoming a sewer rat? Why does the chef want to challenging you to a kickboxing fight?
And most importantly, do you ever find that damn party you heard about?
Read this book and choose, choose, choose!
"Another day of wonder and happiness lies ahead.
Exploring, chasing, sleeping and (of course) eating...
You could go over to Sanford Hall, but Wright is nice this time of day.
Of course, Bullock always has something exciting going on..."
In this book, you make as many decisions as Spinoza does!
Which is a lot!
You are Clark's beloved campus mascot... and we ain't talking no cheezy cougar. Life isn't easy when you have an adoring public to ignore. So many decisions...
After waking up, do you take a nap again, or get off your tush and brave the mean RAs to visit the Tuna Lady? Maybe you should explore the campus-- or hunt for food (perhaps a trip to Bon Appetit). A feline's work is never done.
Choose right, you may be able to sleep!
Other times, you'll have to settle for a nap!
It's your decision, because you are Spinoza! Yay!
Choose Clark. Choose a mansion. Choose family values. Choose a free ride. Choose a free education for your kids, free heat, free electricity, free maintenance, free housing, free groundskeeping, a free car, free insurance, free food, free trips around the world. Choose a private security force. Choose a middle-ranked, middle-class, middle-of-the-road liberal arts university where middle managers like yourself can rule like petty despots. Choose a club tie, a firm handshake, a sudden look in the eye, and an easy smile. Choose public relations. Choose crass exploitation of the student body and other "revenue-producing units." Choose barricading yourself in your big-ass ugly-duckling tokenistic tribute to the power of fundraising and watching the world pass by without the slightest understanding until you whither away with only your name on the base of a tree to serve as the hollow empty legacy you've left behind.
Choose Your Own Clark Adventure.
Choose Clark.
"Above all, Clark is a place where people feel
comfortable trying out new ideas."
--Clark Admissions brochure 1996-97
You have just arrived at Clark University. Before you are your dreams-- four years of learning, growth and choices. And all the way, you're afforded all the advantages of a small, private, liberal arts school with top-notch research.
Unless, of course, that's just a mountain of bullshit fed to you by Admissions...
"But Clark's location in Worcester, a city in the heart of New England, offers easy access to everything from top-notch internships to offbeat restaurants and foreign films."
--Clark Admissions brochure 1996-97
